Six implausible France predictions for 2012

Better late than never I thought I’d better ‘put my cards on the table’ with a few predictions about the things that will affect France and the lives of French expats this year…

1) March 2012:  the euro crisis will fizzle and disappear overnight as Germany and other countries finally relent and allow countries in Europe to issue eurobonds that are guaranteed by all member states. Europe also print a trillion euros of bonds, pay off everyone, and all debts disappear overnight. Yippee, a new start.

2) April – May 2012: Sarkozy fails in the first round of the French presidential elections leaving a final choice between the socialists under Francois Hollande and the National Front under Marine Le Pen.

Whichever of these illustrious candidates wins, unemployment is solved – a winning Francois Hollande will employ all the unemployed as new civil servants and Marine le Pen will employ them all as soldiers and policemen.

3) July 2012: Tour de France cancelled for the first time in 70 years as Spanish and Italian teams are all unable to pay their riders, and the riders are unable to pay the suppliers of their performance enhancing drugs.

So even those that turn up lack the strength to complete the course.

4) August 2012: France has its busiest year ever for summer holiday bookings because everywhere else in the world is either unsafe (Spain, Greece, northern Africa, Kenya, Middle East…) or too expensive to get to because of increased airline costs (US, Canada, Australia…)

The only ‘fly in the ointment’ is that all the French airports and ferry terminals will be on strike so the millions of people arriving in France won’t be able to reach their destinations.

5) September 2012: Britain loses its AAA credit rating, street parties take place all across Europe in celebration. Coincidence?

6) December 2012: end of the world. We all know that according to Mayan history the world ends on 21 December 2012, so events in France (and everywhere else) become rather less important after that.

But I can speculate how it might happen – in France! The ‘large hadron collider’ under the French Alps is trying to recreate conditions at the beginning of the universe, such as black holes and anti-matter. Meanwhile one of the largest building projects in Europe is taking place in Provence where boffins are trying to create efficient nuclear fusion.

My prediction – something will go wrong with one of these ambitious science projects and we’ll all get sucked into eternal darkness. Where I understand there isn’t a great deal to blog about. I have been accused of being a pessimist though.

Anything important I’ve missed for the coming months that will affect all our lives, expat or otherwise? Share your own predictions and we’ll check back at the end of 2012 and see how inaccurate we all were!