Living in the past

Having recently visited the Gorges de l’Ardeche, I was interested to see them featured on the news. Lots of people canoe along the river through the gorges, but it seems it is also possible to be accompanied by someone who will show you traditional ways of hauling fish from the river, so that you can have the freshest lunch possible.

I think you must have to set off very early – the river they showed in the film had two lone canoeists setting off on a peaceful adventure, while the same river when I saw it had hundreds of day-trippers canoeing along noisily.

I guess the possibilities for throwing nets across the river to catch fish are reduced in the afternoon, when you are more likely to catch a couple of small children than a trout.

But it does open a whole new world of eco-tourism that I think it is my duty to exploit.

Fact 1: We have lots of rabbits, deer etc on our property

Fact 2: There are plenty of hunters around here who I’m sure would be happy to help people kill things, especially for a few euros.

So by opening our doors to ‘survival’ holidays we would be supporting the local economy, teaching people traditional practices, and saving Mrs B’s garden from the rabbits, all at the same time.

We can’t offer customers a candlelit cave where they can gnaw at raw venison before scratching pictures of bison on the walls but we have a good second best.

Because of recent changes in the law, the only lightbulbs for sale are now ‘low energy’ bulbs. All very good and very welcome. But the ones I bought last weekend – marked ’11 watts equivalent to 75 watts’ give out exactly the amount of light you’d expect…from an 11 watt bulb. That is, almost none.

So our whole property is now plunged into semi-darkness, which is perfect for creating the impression of being in a dimly lit cave but slightly irritating when you are trying to read a book.

So if you are looking for a holiday where you can pay extra to trap animals and then spend the evening creating Lascaux III in the living room, we’ve got just the place for you. Prices very unreasonable.