It’s been quiet here since Christmas and New Year, without so much as an unexpected URSSAF bill to keep me amused, so I’ve had plenty of time to catch up on business paperwork and read the news. Neither is as much fun as you might think.

Our accountant reviews our numbers with a fine-tooth comb, querying the occasional five euros that might have slipped through the net undeclared and grilling us about our habits and expenses. This would of course make him completely unsuitable as an audit partner in one of the big accountancy practices, where enormous debts, risks and shortfalls apparently go unnoticed.

“Oops, I  didn’t spot that $5 billion unpayable debt or that $50 billion in your briefcase, I was too busy having cocktails with the MD.”

I’m sure if I was being paid £1m a year to sign off company accounts I would have just got on with it as well, instead of asking awkward questions about business viability. No criticism of accountants intended, of course, and I’m just pleased they have managed to avoid  difficult questions or fingers being pointed at them, and can carry on as before. Long may they lunch.

Incidentally, as an ex-accountant myself, I’m allowed to be rude about accountants. Luckily I’m ‘ex-’ lots of things so there are many things I feel free to criticise.

I’m pleased to report that the French seem to be taking a sensible approach to the crisis on this occasion. Rather than throwing an extra trillion dollars at the economy and hoping our children would like to pay it back later, they have said that they will tackle individual needs as they arise. A special fund has been set up for this purpose, to help out companies with pressing short-term financial needs (the FSI – Fonds Strategique d’Investissement).

Unfortunately the newspapers reported today that for companies in France trying to get a handout from the fund the bureacracy was so complicated and protracted that bankruptcy was sure to arrive before a cheque popped through the letterbox. Ah well, this is France after all.

The televison also tends to skirt around the real issues – again, perhaps for the best. A lead story on the news last night was a brave soul marching through the snow on Biarritz beach so he could take his daily dip in the Atlantic. Perhaps he’s hoping to be an extra in Titanic – the sequel. Whatever, it’s more fun to watch than economic meltdown.

One last bit of exciting news: France can now proudly announce that it has no adverts on state television after 8pm, having been banned from the beginning of this week. A great step forward – for the television companies at least, who have seen dwindling advertising revenues replaced by a guaranteed payment from the government. This is to be financed, I understand, by new taxes on ‘media and the internet’.

I can hardly wait for the bill to turn up.