Going back to England
(Note: for comments about UK expats going back to England as a result of the financial crisis at the end of 2008 please see this entry. The one below was written before the crisis ever came about!)
Well it had to happen eventually, and after six years it is now getting close – we are going back to England in a few weeks time! OK that’s slightly misleading, the visit will only last a week or so, and is because there is a limit to how long you can neglect visiting your family. Apparently six years exceeds that limit by about, well, five years.
It was never my intention to avoid the UK for so long, it just kind of happened. But now I have to think, what should I do if I am to make the most of the visit?
There are a couple of obvious things on the list. Reading the Sunday Times is one. Watching some TV in English is another. Apparently a fish and chips lunch, and a dinner in a Indian Restaurant are also on the list.
I would quite like to catch a train, for some kind of sad nostalgic reason. Perhaps while reading the paper and eating fish and chips. Or perhaps I could catch the last train of the day, as I used to occasionally, and watch hundreds of quietly drunk commuters trying to stay awake so they see when the train stops at their station. Many is the times that someone aiming for Reading has ended up in Exeter at 2am, and had to pay £250 for a taxi to get home.
We will be staying in Glasgow for a couple of days so perhaps I’ll catch a train across to Edinburgh, where we lived for a couple of years and eldest daughter was born. If you haven’t been to Edinburgh you should, it is a very lovely place, although we left just before the Sottish Parliament moved in, so perhaps all those politicians milling around might have spoiled things a bit.
Shopping is apparently a big thing for the girls during our visit, who seem to be suffering from delusions that they will be returning with great bags packed full of designer name items. The Ryanair baggage allowance only allows one pair of socks and a toothbrush per person before they start imposing a charge of about £500 per kilo of excess baggage, so it is going to be a challenge getting back to France without having to sell the house to pay for the trip.
Personally I can’t abide shopping although I will try and spend an hour or two in a bookshop. I have a niggling urge to write a novel myself but don’t suppose I’ll ever get round to it. Perhaps a tale of ‘rags to even worse rags’ would sell well. (An updated version of the great book L’Assommoir by Emile Zola should come pretty close).
Most of the time I expect I will sit around looking sullen and miserable and doing Sudoku puzzles, except when I’m allowed on the internet to check all is well with my websites. We don’t go for a couple of weeks yet so you’ll hear from me before I go.
Is there anything you think I should be doing, or you would do on a visit like this?
A tip for the return to Blighty: Avoid the mainland!
The Isles of Scilly are civilised and beautiful – as are the Outer Hebrides, I’m told.
If I were you I would let the girls go and shop, while you stay at home and look after the woodburner whilst you wait for the water company to turn up with the compost, plants and St Emilion!
Tony
“quietly drunk commuters” you may find that these people no longer exist and have been replaced by druken violent thugs who really do believe they are above the law.
anyway enjoy your trip.
Err, thanks Tony and Kevin, I’m really looking forward to my trip now!
Perhaps I’ve been a bit spoiled for the last few years, there are very few places I can think of here which I would avoid visiting at night (car burning riots aside). I guess I’ll stay in for the evenings.
I’ve been to Skye if that counts, amazingly beautiful place but a bit off the beaten track even compared with Glasgow, and a high chance of poor weather in March I think. Although I seem to remember there’s a bridge now, so perhaps Skye is also full of unruly characters now.
My lady and I always hit the charity shops and stock up on cheapo books. Invariably we come back with 2 suitcases loaded with books. That apart there really is nothing that either of us want, event the fish and chips are always better in the imagination than in the eating.
Have a good trip
Sorry Boris, we all seem to be spoiling your return before you even get back here!
It isn’t so bad over here really but, yes, there are certain aspects of British life that need ’sorting out’.
As everywhere, I suspect, the extreme minority do their best to spoil life for the majority and, with today’s immediate dissemination of ‘bad news’ everyone gets to know about it immediately.
Individual people in the UK are exactly the same as they are in France; absolutely charming, helpful, welcoming and generous to a fault. It’s just that when they forms ‘clumps’ they become totally intolerable and unworthy of their species.
Now that, Boris, as you well know from my previous contributions, is profound!
Enjoy your trip ‘home’, I’m sure you will!
Hi borris, guess your trip to England is over now, Mine was in July after 6 years of not visiting and 11 years after leaving, lived in the USA for 3 years and Iran for 8.
Well I must say there arent alot of English people there now!
Walking along the beach in brighton, fancying some fresh prawns we asked the sales lady, are they fresh? she answered… You vant snails?
we said ARE THE PRAWNS FRESH? and again she said vant snail? seems like the entire of Brighton was taken over by Ukrainians!! I wouldnt mind at all if they had made the effort to learn English! but they hadnt. Everywhere we went hardly anyone spoke english! Very strange and By the way my perfect idea of England as being clean and lovely vanished after that trip, In fact I would definately say that it was on par with tehran for cleanliness and thats really crap!!! sorry. I had a lovely time there!!! 5 pounds for a little glass of wine in a shoddy bar! 25 pounds for 2 people to visit the cinema with some popcorn and diet coke. It was all a bit alien to me, I wanted to go home!! but it had changed beyond recognision
Karen
Hi Boris,
I’ve seen a few articles written by you now and you have amused me in all of them. Although not a fiction writer myself (journalism etc.) I urge you to give the novel a go. I have been trying to persuade my Dad to do the same. He has a dry sense of humour and a way with the blarney – but he just can’t bring himself (or be arsed, I’m not sure which) to.
As for your imminent if not already passed trip to the UK, the only place I ever want to go when I visit is the M&S food court. Bloody hell, I miss bacon and cheddar like you wouldn’t (obviously, having been away for so long) know!
Thanks Paula. I might be able to write a book, and I quite like the idea, but after it’s written…seems to me that getting a book published is as much to do with who you know as how well you write – and I don’t know anyone in publishing! The thought of spending months struggling to write a book and then not getting it published might all be too streesful for my ego (and my wallet).
All the same it would be fun to be on the Richard and Judy booklist 2012 so I still might give it a try.