I’m always harping on about French expats and visitors to France who don’t make any effort to speak French, even a few common courtesies that everyone must remember from school. You remember: “bonjour”, “merci” and a few others.
So today I’m going to pay special tribute to two overheard conversations – congratulations to those involved for making an effort, although perhaps a little more revision is needed.
I’ll replay the conversations in English, so as to avoid confusion, with just the last word in French, as it was actually used:
“Hello, how are you?”
“I’m very well thanks, and you?”
“Amende”
Some readers may recall that ‘amende’ means ‘fine’, which is why the word was used. Unfortunately it means fine as in ‘penalty payment’ (eg “he received a fine of 100 euros”). It is never used as in “I’m fine, thanks”.
Try “Très bien, merci” if you’re feeling formal or “Ah bof, ca va” if you’re feeling informal or have drunk a bit too much.
The second conversation was overheard in a restaurant:
“How would you like your steak cooked, sir?”
“Bravo”
Short and sweet, and completely incomprehensible to the waitress. Yes “Bravo” does mean “well done”, but only in a “congratulations, what a good job you’ve done” sense. It can’t be used as a cooking term – try “bien cuit” next time (or “à point” for medium, “saignant” for not cooked very much, “bleu” for waved briefly near a candle, or “très bien cuit” for left overnight in a roaring furnace).
Believe me, I’m not laughing. I might not have made these particular mistakes for a while, but there are plenty of slightly more subtle misuses of words that I’m sure I make all the time.
And I still maintain it’s better to make an effort and appear a bit foolish, than to make no effort at all with the language and appear downright rude. Or “Quite well cooked for making the effort” as I might say in English.
Hello , happy to have found your blog ..Where do you live in France ??
Hi Melanie,
Thanks for stopping by. We live near Villereal in Lot et Garonne in south-west France (just across the border from Monpazier in the Dordogne)
Cheers!
I’ve always thought that learning (slang, especially) through French music is the best way. Here’s a site that’s useful for it:
http://www.paroleslyrics.net/
^_^
Not a bad idea Frenchie although most French songs are unknown to non-French!
I thought I’d check out your site, and was pleased to see the translation for ‘Ca plane pour moi’ – which most people would recognise. The words might come as a surprise:
Wham! Bam! my cat Splash
lies on my bed with his tongue puffed out
from drinking all my whisky.
As for me, not enough sleep, drained, persecuted,
I had to sleep in the gutter
where I had an inspiration
..
see http://www.paroleslyrics.net/index.php?title=Ca_Plane_Pour_Moi_-_Plastic_Bertrand
for the rest of the words…
Some 14 years ago, armed with 25 year-old school french I was touring France and happened upon a parking area in a small town where there were some spaces marked out in white but some others in another colour. On reading the notice, it seemed to me that you could park in the coloured spaces for no cost at certain times of the day, but my French was not good enough to work out when. I approached a policeman and asked him, politely and with a smile, if the spaces (I was pointing to) were indeed free. He looked a bit puzzled and said, yes, but hesitantly enough for me to quiz him a little further. So I asked, again, in a slightly different way in case my bad French had hindered him. He shrugged his shoulders and look a bit puzzled, but again said something along of the lines of, yes you can park there. I can remember quizzing the poor man for about 5 minutes, beore parking my car and walking off down the street. At which point I remembered thaqt there are two words for free in French – libre and Gratuit – and yes, I had used the wrong one!
Great story Annie,
Of course its the realising your mistake afterwards which is worse than the actual event.
I’m sure I’ve told the story before on this blog of our friend who kept asking the man in the diy shop if he had a ‘petit robinet’ (small tap) – to the enormous amusement of all the staff – without realising it was a slang expression for ‘small willy’!!
I would not advise using the “ah bof ça va” example in the pas de calais or picardie regions. Bof is a sign of disrespect the closest translation of which is “Whatever”. A better, non committal way of saying that things are fine which is accurate in all areas would be “ça ira” which translates loosely to things are going ok although the literal translation is of course, it goes.
Another common mistake that I have overheard is people saying Pipe (pro. peep) to mean a drinking straw. This should be avoided at all costs as this is a slang term for genitalia, the correct word for a drinking straw is Paille (also the word for straw in general, pro. Pi-ye)
Regarding culinary terms… even trés bien cuit will still be pink in most french restaurants. I personally prefer to order beef as follows “take it in hand and run through a warm kitchen” but for those that prefer a truly well done steak i.e. no pink at all please feel free to ask the chef to cut into it to check that there is no blood remaining. I myself have had visitors that have been unable to eat meat due to an absolutely awful case of vegetarianism. I personally recommend referral to the gastro-specialist Doctor Gordon Ramsay for cases such as this.
I liked reading your post a lot. I’ve had a lot of problems with French myself and have felt ashamed not being able to hold a proper conversation and I’ve felt particular uncomfortable when being unable to deal with officials.
Most of these problems are, however, in the past tense for me now. It seems that there are increasingly good French language courses available, some of which you mention on your blog. I found one in London that sometimes runs classes specifically for expats. I first heard about them after the Times Educational Supplement published an article on what they were able to teach over a couple of days (hundreds/thousands of words and the complex grammar) and was impressed enough to hire a group session along with another British family in my village. The course was extremely easy and yet we all learnt a huge amount. I more or less had my own French unlocked and haven’t had any problems since. I don’t know if anyone else has found any courses like this but mine was with a language school called the Paul Noble Language Institute and, if anyone’s interested, their wesbite is http://www.paulnoblelanguages.com
Might be worth a try if you’re struggling like I was.
All the best,
Chrissie x
Hi Christine, I think that a course that works quickly and efficiently in teaching French will be very interesting to lot of people.
Thanks very much for suggesting it.
Hi Christine
After reading your post I’ve just signed-up for the next Paul Noble French course! It sounds great! After “studying”( and I use the word lightly) French on and off for 25 years I haven’t really advanced as I always seem to keep covering the same ground.
Now that I am relocating to Avignon with my French partner I am getting panicky and really need a new approach to the language, so I’m hoping this will be it. So many thanks for the tip Christine!
Amities
Gary
Hi there Christine,
I have just read a comment from Gary regarding a ‘Paul Noble French Course, having just switched onto your site, I too would be very interested to know more about this. My family & I are looking to move to France & would prefer to be seen to be making every effort to learn the ‘French Way’ so to speak. Also I wonder if you could clarify for me Is it true that the French government have insisted upon any person moving into France having to take 400 hours free french tuition?, personally I think it’s a great idea, but unsure where I have read this. Many thank regards Blanche
You’re very welcome for the tip, Gary. It really was a wonderful course and I’m sure you’ll get along as well as we did. They seemed very well organised, so I imagine the quality of teaching will be consistent with what we experienced. Let us all know how you get on. It would be nice to know I’d helped someone else out.
Hi, Blanche. Well, I’m not sure what more to say about it than what I have already. It was very interactive, and a lot of fun. We learnt a lot of words and, most importantly for me at least, we learnt how to build French sentences properly. This was the most important thing from my perpective. I think it worked for me partly because they didn’t give very wordy grammatical explanations but explained things in terms that I could understand and relate to and that I could remember.
I’m not sure what else to say but maybe Gary will be able to offer another perspective once he’s done it. I can only say that all of us who went on it really enjoyed it and have more or less had French life opened up to us on a differnt level now.
Wishing you all luck with your French and lives,
Chrissie x
There are so many stories about people putting their foot in it when trying to speak French, but it’s nice when it’s the other way around sometimes too! A French-speaking friend of mine was having difficulty not long ago explaining to me in English about some twins he had seen on telly.
– ‘you know, the twins, they um, they must be together all the time, you know? It’s terrible for them!’
I was utterly mystified as to what exactly he was trying to explain, until he burst out with
– Ah, I know how to call them! The semi-detached twins!
He meant conjoined twins…
But of course, I’m always making a haymes of what I say as well. I couldn’t understand, for example, why an elderly friend of my (French) partner snorted with laughter when I told him that – ‘Oui, bien sûr, j’aimerais bien vous visiter à Noel’, thinking that I had said that I would love to visit him at Christmas. What I had actually said was that I would love to shag him at Christmas… I should, apparently, have said that I would ‘rendre visite’. I still don’t understand how ‘visiter’ in slang can mean to shag, but hey ho…
And lastly, my favourite story is that of a family friend on her first stint abroad, as a young au-pair in Paris. Her first time buying bread in the local boulangerie, she asked for ‘préservatif à la fraise’ to go with the bread… She thought she was asking for strawberry preserve, but of course, what she actually asked for was a strawberry flavoured condom.
It’s funny but we all seem to have such similar difficulties with languages. Some people here have tried different courses – Paul Noble, Michel Thomas, Pimsleur, Alliance Francaise – some with great success, some less so. And yet still, like Edaoin, some of us seem to end up making endless funny mistakes or getting tobgue tied.
I wonder, should we consider the errors we make in French a type of success? Having spent so many years unable to communicate much at all, I now consider even my great blunders to be victories in communication. It must mean that we are at least able to create complex enough sentences to carry some sort of meaning, I suppose!
Our daughter is doing a literary BAC (she’s top in her class in French but not in English!) and says a test for English is to translate the following three phrases: (1) She is pretty young (2) she is young and pretty (3) she is a young and pretty girl.
i have been using ‘my french coach’ (ubisoft) which is available on nintendo’s wii and dsi. i have found it to be excellent but it is formal and doesn’t seem to cover slang etc but a good starting point i use it on a dsixl which has a dictionary mode on there great when your out ther as if your stuck for a word it will tell you.
great blog btw very useful
I may try the wii ‘french coach’ programme for my grandson. I often feel the Michel Thomas, Paul Noble, Rosetta Stone computer of CD type courses help spark the interest of we older learners but less so for children.
Something on the wii or playstation may help do the same for our little ones, I would hope.
Hi Elaine, that’s not a bad idea – something on the wii etc. I sense a business opportunity for someone with the right techie skills…