Comments on: Do you like the French

By: Boris

Boris — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 19:52:18 +0000

Positive facts? No problem! Your husband is French so difficulties with language and integrating will be much reduced for the rest of you; your children are young enough that they won’t have problems adjusting; and it sounds like money won’t be an issue either (it often is for non-French expats, since finding work for an non-French-national expat is often difficult).
From the posts others have made on this blog it’s clear that some children have problems – but from what I’ve seen the large majority just adjust and get on with life (often better than their parents).
Small country schools are different from big city schools of course.
Anyway, don’t worry too much, it will work out well I’m sure (we are still very happy here after 7 years).
Good luck!!

By: Tracy

Tracy — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 19:31:48 +0000

Oh god I think I’m going to cry with fear. My French husband is so keen to move back to France he has landed himself a good job in an industry he loves. He is fed up with the weather in Scotland. I am terrified. I have just read the blog on schools, I have three children 5, 2 and 1 and now I am worried that the French system isn’t as good as the Scottish system.

I have always been aware that the French can appear a bit stand off ish, my husband won’t help a stranger unless they ask where as I will go out of my way to help someone in need. That’s the difference between our nationalities.

I really need some positive facts to help me support my husband and look forward to our new adventure in France.

By: Yann

Yann — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 02:05:38 +0000

I’m French. Age 0-20 in France, 20-30 in the US, 30-now between Germany and Switzerland. As far as I know, France/Germany/Switzerland are identical when it comes to “making friends”.

1) In the US, everybody who has remotely met you once instantly calls you “friend”. They don’t know your birthdate. They never call you up. Eventually, they move away without notice and you never hear from them again.

2) In F/G/S, it takes years to get true friends. Once you do, though, it’s like family only better. These people will chop up a cumbersome dead body for you and commit perjury in court.

In the end, anywhere you might be in the world, if you look for a true friend, you’ll have to “work hard”. Friendship is not a benign feeling. The word “friend” is totally jaded in English. Means nothing anymore. But in French and German, you’d better be careful how you use the words “ami” and “freund”. Don’t throw them to the face of acquaintances just “to be nice”. They’ll think you’re playing them for idiots, somehow trying to sweet talk them into doing something they don’t really want to do.

I am blessed with French, US, German friends – amongst others. But I can count them all on my 10 fingers only. I got tons of acquaintances, though. It’s not any harder or easier to make friends in France than it is in the US. In general, the French loath shallow relationships and will not welcome you into their inner circle if you fail to show true feelings to them. Americans might give you at first the illusion that you’re in, but it also takes time to truly befriend them.

A few tips :

1) *always* return invitations. I mean, every single time. A dinner for a dinner, an apéro for an apéro. Don’t be thrifty! “on ne marche pas sur une jambe” !
2) on the 3rd meeting (and all subsequent meetings), talk about sex. Let it all out (metaphorically speaking…).
3) *never* talk about salaries/how much you make. It’s bad taste and boring.
4) accept *all* gifts you might be offered. Take the homemade stuff you don’t even like. Let them help whenever they offer help. It’s always coming from the heart and they don’t expect any favor in return (except in rule 1 above).
5) show up unexpectedly once in a while (apéro time is best). Bringing along a good bottle of wine is recommended. Use any excuse necessary (e.g. I’m bringing some lettuce from my garden).
6) argue with them around the table. Challenge them on politics, education, sex, etc… speak loudly, be affirmative. Disagree. Display ludicrous bad faith. And pour more booze in everyone’s glass.

By: Boris

Boris — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 07:56:38 +0000

I spent yesterday afternoon with a French friend who came round unprompted and unasked to help me chop up an old tree that had fallen down, and happily spent the afternoon here working on it, no reward expected or accepted.
So yes, I agree, when you have made French friends they will be genuine, sincere friendships. It took us a long time to reach that point however.

By: Stewart Paterson

Stewart Paterson — Tue, 25 Sep 2007 18:04:31 +0000

I’ve found the french to be very friendly and we have quite a few french friends. In fact, in times of crisis, it has been our french friends we have called on, and they have never let us down. This may be down to them being french or it may be down to them being country people and perhaps rural folk are friendlier world-wide.
It is true, the french concept of “customer service” still leaves a little to be desired, but then the quest for rural community and a lifestyle that is 30 years in the past is a two-edged sword.

By: B.

B. — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 12:20:24 +0000

Hey! thanks for this article, I really needed something that would answer the question “How do French people act?” and I found it! I thought I would never find something like this on the internet, I’m not too good at searching things I want specifically. Thanks again!