When Peter Mayle spent his famous Year in Provence he seemed to get lots done, have a great time, and integrate in the community in just a few short months.
Quite an achievement, but a question that crops up quite often when chatting to people who are thinking about moving to France, or those who have arrived recently, is ‘How long does it really take to adjust to living in France’?
There is no answer of course, except perhaps ‘Much longer than you would think…’ or ‘Almost certainly longer than Peter Mayle took’.
Over the years I’ve come to the general impression that it takes most people years rather than weeks and months, and perhaps three years would be about average. But why so long? And is there a way to speed things up a bit?
Year 1: entering the twilight zone
The general pattern is that people often spend the first year or so just sorting out building works (getting quotes, accepting quotes and waiting for someone to turn up…), starting a business or working out how to earn money, and generally getting used to the French way of doing things. You will probably be too busy to get stressed about things!
Typically lots of family come visiting during the first year as well, which takes up lots of time and slows down the process of adjusting.
Year two: getting down to business
Year two is perhaps time to start learning French properly and to start finding customers for your business. Both are as hard as each other! It doesn’t matter whether you are an architect or a builder, a gite owner or an accountant, both French language skills and business skills are going to be useful.
Probably the majority of people that we know of who have ‘come and gone’ over the years have left during their second year – having been too busy to think about it in year 1, they then found things too difficult in France (money problems, missing family etc) in year two.
Year Three: back to reality
Assuming you have staggered through these first two ‘unusual’ years and you have some sort of income things should now start to become more routine. Family and friends still come over from the UK but not constantly, and your business should be generating some kind of income.
Now is a good time to set aside the occasional lunchtime in your favourite restaurant to remind yourself why you came to France in the first place!
Note: although many expats arrive in France committed to ‘only speaking to French people’ and avoiding expat communities like the plague, experience shows that very few stick to this ‘ideal’, for lots of different reasons. Typically this will happen by year 3…!
Speeding things up a bit
Most of the people we know had to renovate a property, and also need to scrape together a living for themselves, which are both time-consuming and hard work. But of course many people who move to France are already retired and receiving a pension, and buy properties that don’t need lots of work doing to them.
In these circumstances it would be perfectly plausible to move here and be well installed in a couple of months. You can then slowly integrate in the local French community as language skills and enthusiasm allow.
Likewise buying an existing business (eg gites) or having one you can bring with you (eg working online for your current employer) will make the move dramatically easier and quicker.
Is is also very possible that I’m just very slow to adapt! If you settled in, renovated a property and started a successful business in three months I’d love to hear about it, and perhaps learn where we went wrong!
Or in my case.
Year 3 move to Norfolk.
don’t you feel totally adjusted ? how long are you there ?
I’m as adjusted as I’m ever going to be! We’ve been here 10 years, and it seems as ‘normal’ living in France as it did in England, but it took longer than I expected for that to happen – I find it interesting to see that so many people go through the same stages as we did in the months and years after they arrive.
maybe it depends on every people’s reasons why they move for.. (is my sentence really ENGLISH ???!) I mean, you can move because you think your life will be better elsewhere, don’t care about the country (which I think is a bad reason, and the best way to take years to feel adjusted )or you can move because opportunities are better in the country you want to go, or you can just move because you love the country you would like to go to (which could be my case for US or Scotland) But what could be “dangerous” is that you can just imagine that country, and the reality could be less..charming ? (see what I mean ?) Actually I can’t talk about my own experience because I live in france since I’m born !! (that doesn’t mean I feel totally adjusted….!)
What about moving just to try something different / see what it is like to live in a different country? That’s more or less why we moved to France if I remember – then we chose France for lots of different reasons (including that we love France!) We still love the UK, and would perhaps live in the US for a while if we had a green card and no need for health insurance. Scotland is a very lovely country but too cold for me to go back and live there again, and I adore Italy but doubt if I could live there…I’m sure every country would have its own challenges, wherever we went.
Yes ! I would love to have 18 years old again and spend a few months in countries…Instead of that, I make studies that I didn’t finished, and i worked as a waitress for too much years..travelling is a good life study..and I would write a better english if I had lived in England !
I am reading a schizophrenic blog. One wants to speed up things and go to the far end of the French country to create a business from scratch!
Hey, there is no emergency! Life is a low rate drum beating in the countryside, specially in the lost Lot-et-Garonne! Cicada, lavender, olive tree, money, and nouveaux riches, the Mayle’s Provence has a different population! If you want to speed things up… you should settle in Paris, Lyon, or Toulouse …! Here there is no specific French challenge, I think. A gite in the middle of Kansas will be difficult to convert to an international cash machine I also presume…
Hi Dominique, that’s a lovely phrase, ‘Life is a low rate drum beating in the countryside’.
It’s quite possible I’m schizophrenic – I love living in quiet countryside but I need to always be busy and rarely just enjoy the quiet surroundings; I love living somewhere with nice weather but almost never go out in the sun…i’m just impossible to please I suppose!
Charlotte, it’s never too late…!
I must say our experiences of living ( and working) in France and Germany was invaluable and we look back at the good times we had. It helped us to realise that Britain is not as bad as Brits make it out to be, Every country has its good and bad points. We came to the conclusion that we would never quite understand how these countries tick, but we had a greater understanding of home. This for us was the deciding factor. So having lived 2 years in both Germany (Bosenheim, Bad Kreuznach) and Metz in France we retired back to a county we had only visited once. It has given us the rural life we love and we understand what makes the people tick. If we had not lived abroad we would not have been as happy, as we would always think the grass is greener over the hill. Yes we are independent little Englanders and proud of it, and yes we want out of the EU. but we love France and its lifestyle and we have created that for ourselves in Norfolk with English (almost) spoken.
I suppose we are “demi pats”
We have had our home in France for 10 years now and whilst we still live in England (London-this is mealy for work) We have only had a positive experience. I call it home because it feels more like home than London does (you see I am Welsh)is near Toulouse actually between Toulouse and Carcassonne. Our neighbours are very French and have been amazing with us, we also have French friends as well as English friends and I agree with the comments made earlier that whilst you think you will only speak to the French the comfort that is gained from speaking to British or American expats is priceless.
I must admit it did take a while to settle in. The fact that we don’t live there full time doesn’t help. So we haven’t had the “normal” school and making a living issues which I think would only help in the long run.
What I can say is that our local boulangerie is a pleasure to visit so much different to our experience in London. The owner comes out and welcomes us with open arms and depending on the time of year gives us the run down on the snow fall for ski stations. Our local restaurant owner now greets us with hugs and kisses and we haven’t paid for aperitifs for years. We take it in turns with our neighbours to cook and they give me cooking lessons which not only increases my cooking skills but helps enormously with my French.
There are lots we have discovered which we didn’t expect – shops closing for two hours to have lunch, all that paper work and so on but all in all for us the quality of life and “family” values makes it all worth while (my husband would say that the rugby also helps).
The master plan is to move lock stock so to speak in the next 5 years and try to earn a modest living (we will have retired early)so will still have the energy I hope;-)
Sounds like its going great and moving in ‘full time’ should be no particular trouble. Your husband is right about rugby I think – I am not a rugby fan but our girls are and a large part of the local community revolves around rugby matches and related events. Go along and cheer the local team and you’ll make friends for life!
I am sure everyone has adapted to life here in different ways. There is no doubt that the key is learning to speak French and before we came we thought we’d just somehow assimilate the language but after 3 years we are still far from fluent. What made us feel more settled here was getting to know all the surrounding towns and villages. My husband managed this long before me as he is a keen cyclist and does lots of different routes from the house. I slowly got to know the area by working as an occasional estate agent. The Pyrenees are becoming quite familiar too, we often pack a picnic and go walking/ snowshoeing in the mountains on fine days. A stray cat deciding to move in with her four kittens was a big part of settling in for us too. Lunch out with expat friends is a weekly treat, we have been to so many restaurants and it’s always enjoyable even if the food isn’t wonderful. I would recommend starting a lunch club to anyone who is having doubts about the move to France. Friendships are important and to have close French friends you have to be fluent and have common ground. We are very lucky with our French neighbours, always friendly but aperos together require a huge concentration to understand and to be understood, but I expect we’ll get there. As you said above, renovation projects have kept us busy and then there is the potagere, growing your own vegetables here is so important, not just to have a ready supply but it is something you can discuss with your French neighbours and exchange produce and jams with them. I think we have found it easier to settle here than most as we have never had a home anywhere else, our married life has been 30 years of postings in different parts of the the world, now we feel very lucky to be in our little corner of France and I can’t imagine wanting to live anywhere else.
Hi Cathy, thanks for the tips about integration, always very useful. Your story sounds very similar to our own experiences, even down to the cats.
I try to combine two of the challenges when possible – I cycle with somebody French which makes them pretty much a captive audience for me to practice my French on while we get to enjoy the countryside as well (they are a local farmer and know hundreds of small roads I would never have found on my own, usually ones I thought were people’s driveways!)
Hi – I have been living in France for 40 years now – lived in Paris married an Englishman – brought up two children in Paris 15 years ago moved to Burgundy where I bought a shop and sell lingerie to locals quite successfully. I feel integrated but am still considered “L’Anglaise” I make mistakes in French and still have an accent. People don’t seem to mind though and I am happy enough here although miss speaking English and miss libraries. One doesn’t really feel 100% at home though even after all this time. Thank goodness for the internet.
Our five years in France is nothing to Jackie’s 40!! And she still is not feeling at home!
We have also moved within the UK and can say that integration is as good or bad when moving to East Anglia and Yorkshire.
After almost 6 years of Strasbourg we are moving to near Vannes in Brittany.
Strasbourg is nice and well placed for euro-travel but it has a special mentality..a bit like living in Yorkshire I guess. The weather is very traditional, very cold winter and hot summer. It is also quite expensive to settle here, literally no land available to build.
Alas my wife and her family is from Brittany/Normandy and we will move back there next month with a view to starting a family…local family support I think is crucial.
I am also referred to as L’anglais…I guess I always will be, mainly by the older generation however.
Settling down has been difficult. Luckily we had some english speaking friends here…for better or for worse. I recommend anyone moving to France to learn as much french as possible, as soon as possible. You never know what situation you will find yourself in! I started to prepare for the DALF C1 exams, almost the highest level French tests for work and university. I am nowhere near fluent but it helps to go to a class each week and do homework.
In Brittany I intend to join some clubs and get to know people that way.
At the end of the day it takes a while to find your groove. You can make your englishness work to your advantage!
It’s a funny thing this ‘integration’ business. I know many people who don’t speak a word of French, have no French friends and would rather pay someone to do the bureaucracy side than attempt it themselves and yet they are perfectly happy. On the other hand, I know people who are fluent in French, work in France and would consider themselves completely integrated (whatever that might mean) and yet have failed to settle. I spent 10 years in France and fall into the second category. I think a great deal depends on what you want out of life. I never referred to myself as an ‘expat’ either. I was an immigrant as most of us that live in France are.
You have a very interesting blog here and I look forward to reading your archives.
Am I the only “local” (french) to read that blog ?! I am so proud of you all, deciding to live abroad, learn a new language (and french is not the easier one said to me !) , and leave your family…. and you make it! good ! I can help you by translating your administrative papers !! (lol)
ritchie : I live not very far from Vannes, I think there is more English here than in the east ! and i’m also preparing the CAE witch is a cambridge degree ( also C1) ! good luck !
boris : maybe it’s too late when you are married, and your husband owns a restaurant ! difficult to move then !
Hi all, great suggestions and comments thanks! Chrissie, are you back in the UK now? We know a few people that returned to the UK then came back to France again because they still felt ‘out of place’…
I think there is something to be said about living as a “foreigner” in France or anywhere else. It gives lots of excuses to make mistakes and one can sort of live “detached” from things that might be boring. I would recommend anyone moving to France though to speak at least a little French life here is so different when you are at least little integrated.
After 15 years of hard labour, we’re moving to Spain to an English speaking community having finally given up on trying to integrate into an area where foreigners are seen as useful outsiders but will never be “quite like us”. We moved here when our children were very small (the youngest was born here!) we have always spoken French, my husband helped to run the rugby club but we found that the local community were happy to have us to pick up their kids from school, mind them for an afternoon, translate websites into English but never showed us any hospitality in their homes, though we certainly gave away plenty of free food, drink and open house invites including the heated pool. Perhaps we chose the wrong area, but now, enough is enough! Ironically, since we announced our departure, many of our French acquaintances have agreed that this is a particularly hard area of France for “outsiders” to settle. If only they’d mentioned that 15 years ago!!
Hi Janet, another new life about to start, sounds exciting. I think the biggest ‘unknown’ for people moving to France is what their neighbours will be like – and as you say they are unlikely to come knocking as soon as you arrive and say ‘Really we don’t much like outdsiders around here’! The welcome is also very village / town dependent – I know villages around here that are much more welcoming than others, although only a few kilometres apart – so it’s not possible to say ‘Brittany is friendlier than Languedoc’ etc.
Jackie, whereabouts in Burgundy are you? We may be moving there this year after 10 years of semi-doing so!
A very useful breakdown here. Hopefully it’ll give some ex-pats a bit of perspective and encourage them to stick it out past year no. 2!
My wife and I are in the process of moving to France (Pays de la loire, we have bought the property and are putting the finishing touches to it for our retirement in a few years. We spent 20 years as expats all over the Middle and far East. One thing that we noticed was that most people are very accepting if you put in even the smallest of efforts.We love adventure and this for us is probably the last big one we will make. Maybe we are just lucky but the farmers around us are great and very helpful. We are learning French at a painfully slow rate, but at least I can get a loaf of bread and a glass of red when I neeed it.
Hi Boris, not sure where to ask this question! We have been in Samoens for 8 months now and love it so much we have bought a property. Your advice last year when we were considering moving to Taninges with our small boys was very helpful. My life here is complete – with one exception…any ideas where I can buy a standard double divan bed with four drawers on castors? Have searched everywhere (we have a small appartment so storage is key but so is the ability to move the bed hence the castors), but can’t find one anywhere! Thanks, Emma
No idea myself Emma – have you tried Fly and Ikea? Can castors be bought separately and added to any bed with wooden base / legs?
Hi everybody, I am not English but i lived in London almost 5 years and I got quite connected to society, culture and people. It is kind of jungle but with order in it. I’ve always spoke english language so it took me only few months to speak quite good.
My wife and me have moved in the house near Tarbes, actually Bagneres de Bigore. Landscape is great, people seems very warm and food is tasty but I never spoke French before and I am facing situation that I am almost blocked as I can’t express myself. You all know that better than me, so I would like to ask you about some tips with learning the language. Should I take a private professor, go to some classes with other people or simply start from online courses? I feel that it will be a breaking ice point where after that, things will unfold.
One of the best kept secrets in France is that many towns offer free French lessons to new arrivals – these are a good place to start. (It took us 5 years to find out our nearby town did them, despite asking at our local mairie etc). So first try asking in the town hall in Tarbes, which is a pretty big town so I would think would do them.
Otherwise I would do classes with other people as a priority, perhaps with online courses or books to help learn vocabulary and verbs.
Just found this link and love the conversation re: moving to France and settling in.
We have spent time in France each year for a couple of decades and I did previously live
for a short time in Grenoble. Following our hearts to try out the dream of living full time
again in France. Renting gites and house sitting at first to really get to know the various towns and areas we may consider to buy a small property in eventually.
Invaluable to hear everyone’s insights and stories. Mille merci’s.